[x]

Andrea's Roommate (Chapter 2)"Damn, I really overdid it tonight..." Andrea muttered as she crawled into bed- not like she really had an option, Kate had just been so nice! And to be honest, Andrea hadn't really eaten since the day before, since she had spent most of the day trying to be, you know, not homeless. Flopping onto her newly assembled bed, Andrea popped the button on her already too-tight jeans, allowing her over stuffed stomach the slightest bit of breathing room. Stifling a hiccup, Andrea couldn't help but think to herself, "How lucky am I to have found such an awesome roommate?", before beginning to strip off her pants to get ready for bed.

-----

Kate,

The Master and His Butler RI Ch.6: The Last Chance

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"Yes."

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You were now parked outside a large house - which seemed much bigger than the house that you and your brothers lived in. You stared blankly out of the window, thinking of the things that your family would have to say about it. Gilbert would probably comment on how 'big' and 'awesome' it was. Ludwig would probably just stare up at it with those pretty blue eyes of his.

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The Master and His Butler RI Ch.5: Watchdog's Job

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Soon Sebastian came in with a cart. He pushed the cart and it had all different types of breakfast foods and tea. You noticed on the bottom of the cart that there was a

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"color"
"red"
"where?"
"everywhere"
"who?"
"Mathew"
"and?"
"Me"
"who else?"
"Alfred"
"Dead?"
"Dead"
"feeling?"
"satisfaction"
"Feeling?"
"Happiness"
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“Take, off your suit,” She said slowly. The way she said it irritated me, it was like she thinks I’m slow. “Take it off.” She repeated.

I obey, there’s no point in

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“Fascinating!” chirped a male, “Is it asleep?”

“We believe so,” replied another, “but it’s rather hard to tell.”

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“No,” said the second, “It’s a hostile creature and you can only use so much tranquilizer. We’ll have one for you later though.”

Oh hell no! I lifted my head ignoring a pounding headache that made itself known. A low growl ri

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Five minutes.

You slinked out of the hidden room and made your way to the room where the diamond was kept.

Four minutes.

You threw a gas bomb that was whisper silent. You heard all the guards fall and put on a small gas mask, only the size of your mouth, to make sure you didn’t pass out from the gases.

Four minutes, thirty seconds.

You picked up the Hope Diamond and stowed in your pocket. You stepped over the bodies of the unconscious guards, and were about to exit the room. You heard footsteps. You froze in place. You needed to find a way out.

Three minutes.

You heard the steps from

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You glanced up to meet his purple gaze, wondering what he wanted. "You're taking things rather bravely..." Emil started, sitting on the edge of your bed that you had never slept in as of yet. He frowned at your straight face, wondering where all of your emotion's had gone. Surely, you couldn't have suddenly became like Norway. At

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Luckily – for them, of course – those bullies left Stacey alone. They only tried once to bully her again, this time in the school building because they were pretty sure, Mikey wouldn’t show up there to protect his pizzagirl, but Stacey told Mikey about that on the phone. So he ambushed the three of them after school and put them in mind of leaving his girlfriend alone the hard way. That wa

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I head back inside as the sun rises with her safely tucked
in my arms.by now everyone else in the house is up and about
(two with a killer hangover). I walk into the kitchen west is already
there. "brudr please tell me she's not your kid"west says with that
look on his face. "Nien she was abandon by her mother" I say as
Heveryone in the house( me ,France,Spain, and west) rushed into
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I say. then she opens here yes to reveal (y/c)that were cute.she had a
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Rin's Adventures Chapter 24Rin’s Adventures: Chapter 24

The Miratan convoy moved slowly back toward Frost Peak, Rin, Terra and Kiki helping along the armor suits whose motor systems were the most damaged. Most were able to move, but slowly and with jerky steps as sparks and smoke came from their joints. Rin froze the ground in front of them, with Terra and Kiki pushing along the two suits that couldn’t move at all. “At least no one was badly hurt,” Rin said.

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She ran into the Autobots, a.k.a., autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron. They have been protecting earth from Megatron and his army called the Decepticons. The only one's who know about them are her, Jack, Jack's mom June, and Rafael.

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.:Impurrfections:.

by *ALittleRiddle, May 27, 2012, 9:28:31 PM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Introductions & Chapters

CHAPTER 3

The young mocha furred werecat rushed out of the bell tower, hastily moving to get away from the menace that haunted her. She was stopped by a familiar figure.
"Hissary! I've been looking everywhere for you! Why didn't you tell me you were gay?" stated Purrfecta, cornering her younger sister. Hissary looked up at her sister, trying not to cry again, but atlas she couldn't hold back her tears.
"Hissary...! What's wrong?" Purrfecta turning instantly concerned, she held her sister in her arms. Normally if the older werecat tried to comfort Hissary, she would instantly protest against her sister babying her....not today though.
"...I-I -- I want to go home." Hissary sobbed, clinging onto her sister.

Hissary plopped face-down on her bed, feeling somewhat sick from crying earlier. Her older sister joined her; sitting beside her, resting a reassuring hand on the younger werecats' shoulder.
"The first thing I want to know is, why didn't you tell me you were gay?" asked Purrfecta, while Hissary rolled over onto her side.
"I thought you would get mad at me...and-and maybe disown me as a sister..." Hissary said, feeling uneasy.
"Mad? Disown? Hissary, I would never disown you nor would I ever get mad at you! I will admit, I was...shocked to hear that, and I am still a little shocked!" The older werecat explained, while using vivid hand gestures.
"So...you're not mad?" The younger werecat asked, sitting up. Purrfecta readjusted, sitting to face the now upright Hissary.
"Of course I'm not mad!" The older, mocha-furred werecat exclaimed, purring with a smile of reassurance on her face.
The younger sibling still looked uneasy, "You won't tell mom or dad...right?"
The older werecat moved her hand across her lips, acting as if she was zipping them up.
"My lips are sealed."
The younger werecat finally smiled back, letting out a breath, mostly out of relief. Purrfecta watched her younger sister carefully, as Hissary's expression was tense.
"Alright, since we got that outta the way...tell me why you were crying?"

After a long conversation, the older werecat stated with a hiss, "I will claw that Seraphina's eyes out!" at the same time, she clawed at the air.
"Oh Purrfecta! I know she...upset me, but that's no reason to start trouble!" Hissary said, she was laying on her side with one hand supporting her head. Using her other hand; she traced the seams on her bedspread with her claw.
"That is a purrfectly good reason to claw that bitch's eyes out!" the older werecat hissed, getting more angered by minute.
"Purrfecta..." the younger shook her head with a sigh, sitting up to face her older sister, "I don't want you to get in trouble because of me, we need to solve this in a more mature manner." Purrfecta hissed in annoyance, "Fine."
Hissary smiled, letting out a soft purr.
"Alright, here's what I was thinking we should do..."

.:Impurrfections:.by *ALittleRiddle

Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Introductions & Chapters

_{" I know Monster High would probably be accepting to bisexuals and homosexuals, "Be Yourself. Be Unique. Be a Monster."
But,
What if that was one thing Monster High was normal about? The fact some people, or monsters, can't accept gays and bisexuals?
I'm sure they wouldn't care about others sexuality...but what if someone's sexuality was brought into the spotlight? That is where the story begins here, a closet gay, Hissary, sexuality is brought into the limelight, where others question, make fun, and just provoke her asking if this said rumor is true?
Well,
is it? "

.:...:.
Long awaited, I present the next chapter of Impurrfections! TA DA! 8D
.:...:.
Main Characters;
Hissary
Purrfecta
Seraphina
.:...:.
Shout-outs;
Maddy
iEatIdiots
DA
.:...:.
Hope everyone enjoys this, && PLEASE, do critique! Tell me the mistakes! Tell me what you think! Tell me your ideas on how to improve it!
Any, if not all, help is very much appreciated!}

Critique by ~Maryritai May 27, 2012, 10:56:16 PM

I must say, the length of the chapter is quite short compared to your past 2 chapters and even the prologue/introduction.
Though I must agree with Zena on her points, there are too many verbs. Sure, diversity and variation is okay but there comes a point where it just becomes tiring. Also, I think you should add more pronouns than just nouns to the sentences.
For example "Hissary just let out a breath, mostly out of relief. Purrfecta watched her younger sister carefully, as Hissary's expression was tense"

That's a little bit repetitive, so it should be something like "Hissary just let out a breath, mostly out of relief. Purrfecta watched her younger sister carefully, as her expression was tense"

One thing I might add After a long conversation, the older werecat stated, "After a long conversation, the older werecat stated, "I will claw that Seraphina's eyes out!" Purrfecta hissed, clawing at the air."

You should have just said "After a long conversation, the older werecat stated WITH A HISS, "I will claw that Seraphina's eyes out" at the same time, clawing at the air"

Now I must continue studying, and having a tense moment as I have two consecutive exams coming up tomorrow for the whole day.
~Maryritai out

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Critique by ~iEatIdiots May 27, 2012, 10:27:22 PM

HMM.
I honestly don't know what to write here. I love your Impurrfections short story, and the plotline's good so far. I would really love longer chapters though!

One thing I have to say is that, according to a writing book I have, something amateur writers tend to get carried away with is "he snarled" "she shouted" "they exclaimed". Too many verbs! Sometimes, even a simple "she said" will do, or even.

Such as in this sentence
"Mad? Disown? Hissary, I would never disown you nor would I ever get mad at for you! I will admit, I was...shocked to hear that, and I am still a little shocked!" The older werecat explained.
The readers know that Purrfecta explained. Fact. What did the werecat do as she explained? Or, will cutting out the "she explain" make the story sound crisp, and clearer.

COLER SWAG.

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~iEatIdiots May 27, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

*approval*

*ALittleRiddle May 27, 2012

_...Critique?

~iEatIdiots May 27, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Doing Latin homework.

So I might.

Not sure what to critque on.

*ALittleRiddle May 27, 2012

_{HOMEWORK SUCKS. DX

Spelling? Grammer? Etc?}

~iEatIdiots May 27, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Grammar* not grammer, Riddle. XD

Alright, I will. Just remember Zena has exam tomorrow.

*ALittleRiddle May 27, 2012

_{FFFFFFF-- YOU SEE!? That is why you must critique.

LOL SCREW EXAMS. >8D}

~iEatIdiots May 27, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Yep. POINT TAKEN.

EVIL, EVIL EXAMS! Buuurn!

*ALittleRiddle May 27, 2012

_BURRRRRRN

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